There Is No Such Thing As Just
Just over 3 years ago now I had probably my most life changing experience. I spent 21 days in hospital, 9 of those on a ventilator. The 2 days following coming off the ventilator were the most anxious of my life. The medical staff around me were elated. I had survived a grueling 11 days. They had done a sterling job of saving my life. The first words said to me were “you have survived”. There is much I can share about that experience, but one of the greatest lessons I learnt was THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS JUST. Once I became aware of how difficult the things were that I was being told to JUST do, I started practicing taking JUST out of my lingo. JUST breathe, JUST relax, JUST wait, JUST stop, JUST relax, JUST calm down.
JUST implies ease, it is said as if it takes no effort. However, quite the contrary mostly what I am being told TO DO, is difficult for me in that moment or in that context.
A child or adult who is very emotional or anxious, breathing very fast or hyper ventilating needs reassurance and kind direction TO CALM their breathe and self -regulate. Replace JUST breathe with, come let’s breathe in deeply and then exhale. It’s DEEP breathing that brings calm. Vital bit of instruction that is mostly missing. Breathing, without focusing on depth and speed will NOT bring calm. That is physiological. A fact that was life changing for me in my darkest hour.
Similarly, with JUST RELAX or JUST STOP when a child or adult is upset or impatient is a useless instruction and will most likely be counter- productive, increasing tension rather than dissipating it.
When last have you heard a child being instructed to JUST WAIT when clearly that is what they are struggling most to do at that moment? Being told. Mom is busy right now, but if you can sit quietly for a bit or do something else, I will help you immediately I am done here.
Next time JUST is about to pop out and attach itself to an instruction, Pause, consider what you could say instead that would be a lot more helpful. “I am busy doing an internet transaction, please wait a few minutes and I will listen.” Rather than JUST WAIT
“Please lower your voice and talk slower to me” rather than JUST STOP
“Take some deep breaths in and out “rather than JUST BREATHE.
And of course, the favorite South Africanism, JUST NOW. What does that mean exactly. Practice being more specific. I will be there shortly, 5 mins? 10mins an hour?
It will take time to change the JUST habit, to start with, become aware of using JUST, and consider what would be more helpful. Most important, acknowledge that what we are trying to JUST do is seldom easy. It takes awareness, effort and practice.
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Disclaimer:
The content provided in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any concerns regarding your mental or physical health, please consult a qualified healthcare provider.
